Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
