I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
