i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
