Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It was like getting head from an anaconda
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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