i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Randomize
