hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
