just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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