You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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