So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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