I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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