OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
