Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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