this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
nutella sex= disaster
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
