...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I wear drunk well.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
