I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
