I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
