you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just had sex on a roof
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
