True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
me + whiskey = a bad person
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
