So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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