and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
