apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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