im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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