omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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