sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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