I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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