I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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