And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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