My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
