Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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