I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
