my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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