weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
