you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
