I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
