did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
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