i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
