Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
