i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
