Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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