I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
