college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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