just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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