Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
