lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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