we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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