I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
