it hurts more in the daytime
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
