We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
