Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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