Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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