i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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