i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
