I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
