Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
