Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
