physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
