I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
