Someone shit on the floor
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Please don't give away my fajitas
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
