final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
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Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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