Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
