He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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