Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
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