you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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