Hey man sorry I got all grabby
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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