this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
