so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
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you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
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Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
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