I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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