Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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