Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
