puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
